My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Small penises have feelings too.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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