There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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