Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
