she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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