I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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