No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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