You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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