so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
