Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
