last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
