I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
