you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
