I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
