i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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