I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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