It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
