Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
