I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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