I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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