If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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