How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
