HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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