Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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