Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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