its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
