eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
