the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
