You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
