My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
