I cannot find my penis.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
