I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
