I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
