Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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