Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
