i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
