he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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