I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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