Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
