Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
