i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
