dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
