I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
