whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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