Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
