Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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