I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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