Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
