My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There's even glitter on my cock...
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