I need help removing her.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
