I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
