So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
